


So Do I Say Sorry First?

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied Make-up Sex, Infidelity, M/M, Nicky loves Shane, Shane Loves Nicky, Shnicky - Freeform, Slash, Songfic, Tightrope - Album
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:40:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1883964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicky & Shane have a fight then make up</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Do I Say Sorry First?

So welcome to my nightmare  
My heaven and my hell  
This passionate contradiction  
Of bitter sweet is where I dwell  
You choose a day like today  
To get me real upset  
The more I love you  
More I hate you  
More it scares me to death

 

“You’re a bastard, Shane. A complete and total bastard and I hate you… I hate you more than you know”

Nicky stopped typing and looked down at his phone. He was sitting all alone in his hotel room, his mobile phone in his hand and tears brimming in his eyes. His finger hovered over the ‘send’ button. He wanted to send it but he was hesitating. The blonde feared that he would hit ‘send’ and Shane would appear so he was procrastinating.

He wiped the message and started again.

“Where are you? Why aren’t you here?”

Again Nicky stopped typing. He knew where Shane was and why he wasn’t there with Nicky.

“It’s because you’re with *her*” Nicky spat.

The clock was taunting him and he was tempted to throw it out the window. He knew doing that wouldn’t actually achieve anything, apart from temporarily making him feel better. Not wanting to have to pay the hotel for a broken clock, Nicky tore his eyes away from the offending object to resist the temptation. He dropped his phone on the bed and stood up. He walked around the room a few times and stopped when his phone beeped at him.

Nicky looked at his phone but didn’t move. He wanted to ignore it but he wanted to answer it too. He crossed the room and picked it up, looking at the screen. ‘One message received’  
The blonde’s heart pounded as he opened the message.

‘You still awake?’

Nicky stared at the screen, trying to decide if he should reply. He knew he had to play it cool but there was so many things he wanted to type back. His fingers moved across the keys without him realising and he hit ‘send’. When he looked down at his response he didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. ‘Fuck you’

The blonde was still mad at Shane but he was hopeful the younger boy would knock on his door.  
They’d had a small argument that morning and Nicky had refused to meet Shane’s eye all day. By lunch time, Shane had given up trying to get the blonde’s attention and Nicky had commenced sulking at Shane’s willingness to ignore his pain. He knew this wasn’t Shane’s fault but he needed to blame someone and he wasn’t heartless enough to blame Gillian.

His phone beeped again.  
‘Right now?’ Nicky read.  
The phone beeped a third time.

‘Don’t make me beg’ Nicky couldn’t stop the smirk that danced across his lips.  
’I like it when you beg’ Nicky typed. Beep.  
‘Please Nicky?’  
‘Not tonight’  
‘Why not?”  
‘You know why’

 

I can't keep fighting this battle with you  
I can't hear words when scream like you do  
If I cry will you hold me just like we rehearsed?  
So do I  
So do I say sorry first? 

 

There was no reply.  
Nicky stared at his phone for almost five minutes, desperate for Shane to reply. He wanted to call him, talk to him, see him. Nicky longed to hold him, kiss him, slap him. He paused. Where had that last thought come from? Sure he was mad at his lover but he didn’t want to physically hurt him, did he?

Knock! Knock!

The blonde’s heart began to pound. Finally, he’s here! Nicky tried to remain calm and composed. He heard the key slide into the lock and he quickly turned away, positioning himself with his back to the door. The door opened and closed but his visitor didn’t speak. The older boy stood his ground, refusing to look at Shane.

“Nicky?” Shane spoke up.

The older boy folded his arms across his chest and straightened his back. He held his chin up but couldn’t bring himself to turn around. Nicky could sense Shane’s movements and started to tremble when he felt Shane’s weight on the bed behind him.

“Nicky?” Shane tried again. “Please don’t be mad at me”  
“I’m not-“ Nicky started to protest but he stopped.  
“It’s not my fault Georgina didn’t come… You’re the one who got her pregnant”  
“Fuck you”  
“Nicky-“  
“You promised Gillian would stay home and look after Gina… But no you let her tag along. Do you have any idea what it’s like for me? Watching Mark & Kevin, Kian & Jodi and You and Gillian be all coupley and loved up. You promised we’d keep each other company”  
“I don’t think Gillian trusts me [with you] anymore”  
“So how did you escape?”  
“Told her I was going for a walk”  
“And she believed you?”  
“I don’t know…”

Nicky felt a hand on his shoulder and he quickly shrugged it off. Shane held back a sigh as the older boy pulled away from him.

“Oh grow up, Nicky” Shane insisted.  
“Fuck you” Nicky replied, as he turned around long enough to glare at the younger boy.  
“Are you going to be like this for the entire tour?” Nicky looked away. “Or only as long as Gillian is around?”

 

I'm flawed  
I'm so imperfect  
But I ain't insecure  
Your jealous heart is poisoned  
Tell me how could I trust you more? 

 

“You… You can be so selfish sometimes” Shane told him.  
“Me?” Nicky argued. “I am completely alone here… You’re got your wife and kid with you”  
“Her name is Nicole”  
“I know” Nicky hissed. “But you’ve got your wife and child here and you came in here to have sex with me”  
“Is that really what you think? That I came in here to fuck you?”  
“Don’t pretend you’re ignorant here… You’re undressing me with your eyes right now”  
“I’m doing something with my eyes and that’s not it”

Nicky looked up and his eyes met with Shane’s. For a moment, neither one of them moved. There was anger in both of their eyes. It was an anger Shane had seen before in the blonde’s eyes and he wanted to apologise, to make it all okay but he was mad at Nicky and didn’t think he should be the one to apologise first.

It really wasn’t Nicky’s fault. But Shane knew this wasn’t his fault either. This was a fight they had had many times before and it always ended the same way. Never resolved. They would just argue then yell for a while, eventually one of them would start yelling and the other would hide their tears. Then they’d kiss and fall into bed for a quick round of make-up sex. The next day they would pretend their argument had never happened.

“Nicky, I know you miss her but that’s no excuse to take this out on me” Shane told him.  
“Well you’re the only one here” Nicky argued.  
“I’m not your verbal punching bag”  
“No, you’re just my cheating lover”  
“I have never cheated on you”  
“You’re *married* Shane”  
“Fuck this shit!”

Shane climbed off the bed and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Nicky asked.  
“To find someone who appreciates me” Shane replied.  
“So you think I don’t appreciate you?”  
“You haven’t looked at me all day… I came in here to make sure you were okay and all you’ve done since I got here is berate me for things that are beyond my control”  
“Shane…”  
“No, I’m sick of this childish behaviour of yours. When you’re ready to start acting your age, let me know… But if you want to continue on this lark, then I think Nicole could use a play date for tomorrow”

Shane stormed across the room and reached for the door handle.

“Please don’t go!”

 

I can't keep fighting this battle with you  
I can't hear words when scream like you do  
If I cry will you hold me just like we rehearsed?  
So do I  
So do I say sorry first? 

 

The brunette stopped. He retracted his hand and slowly turned around. Nicky was still sitting on the bed but he was now facing Shane. His eyes were filled with tears and his voice had cracked with emotion as he’d pleaded with his lover.

“Nicky?” Shane whispered, his heart was pounding and his mind was racing.  
A part of him was still fuming at the blonde for the way he’d spoke of Nicole but he wanted to forgive him. He stepped away from the door and moved further into the room, closer to the bed and to Nicky.

“I miss her” Nicky admitted. “I’m worried about her. I don’t like being so far away from her while she’s pregnant. But I thought she’d be okay because Gillian would be with her… And Gillian’s already been through all that”  
“Not with twins”

“No, but she was pregnant. I thought she’d stay home and look after her for me. Then I’d be here missing Georgina and you’d be here missing Gillian & Nicole. And we’d be missing them together. They would be together in Ireland and we’d be together here in Australia. You promised you’d keep me company. But then Gillian changed her mind and I didn’t want to say anything because you were so happy to have her come along and bring Nicole with her…”

“Oh, Nicky” Shane began.

The brunette climbed onto the bed beside Nicky and he placed his hand over the blonde’s. He could feel the tension in the older boy’s body and his heart went out to his lover. He hadn’t realised how lonely Nicky was and he couldn’t help but feel for him.

“I’m sorry, Nicky” Shane whispered.  
“I’m sorry too” Nicky replied.  
“I really had no idea. I just assumed it would all be okay… I mean, it’s only two weeks. I kept thinking ‘how bad can that be?’ I’d forgotten how hard it was for me when Gillian was pregnant… I hated be away from her for a few hours and right now, Georgina is so far away. If anything happened it would take twenty hours to get to her-“  
“I know and that thought alone terrifies me”

“I’m sorry I snapped at you” Shane told him.  
“I understand why you did… I was acting like a jerk”  
“You were right though”  
“About what?”

 

Sometimes I think we feel too much  
Too deep  
This all-consuming love  
Can't breathe  
So angry  
So frustrated  
How we got here? 

 

Shane leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against Nicky’s. The blonde didn’t even hesitate. He returned Shane’s intimate embrace with equal lust and passion. After a few moments, the younger boy pulled away and lightly touched his hand to Nicky’s cheek. The blonde closed his eyes and rested his head in Shane’s touch.

“What I said earlier… About Nicole-” Nicky began.  
“I know, its okay” Shane replied. “I probably would have said the same thing”  
“No you wouldn’t”  
“No?”  
“You’re too much of a straight-laced mammy’s boy to speak ill of another person, much less another person’s child”  
“A straight what?”  
Nicky laughed.  
“Trust you to emphasise the ‘straight’ part”  
“Nicky!”  
“I called you a ‘Mammy’s boy’”  
“If my mam knew what I got up to in your bed, I’m sure she’d disown me”  
“She’d have to dig you up first, I’m sure Gillian would murder you”  
“Honestly, I think she already knows”  
“Gillian or your mam?”  
“Gillian… I think we’ve just adopted the whole ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ approach to the subject of you and me. She knows we’re close and that I care about you… And I really meant it when I said she doesn’t trust me alone with you anymore”

Tears were spilling down Nicky’s cheeks and Shane quickly brushed them aside.

“Nicky, what’s wrong?” Shane whispered.  
“I’m sorry” Nicky replied. “It’s just that… It shouldn’t be this hard for us to be together”  
“Yes it should”

 

Hear me  
And listen to what I say  
From my heart  
And I swear to you that won't change  
I hope you learn to trust somebody. . . 

 

“Shane?” Nicky sobbed.  
“If it was easy then we wouldn’t feel guilty about it” Shane told him. “And we deserve to feel guilty by our actions. If there was any way that I could walk away from you…”  
“No… Don’t say it, please”  
“I just meant that the harder it gets, the more we fight about it. But we never end it. We can’t, Nicky. I love you and need you too much to leave you. No matter how much or loud we fight, we stay together. I know what we have is ‘wrong’ but I don’t care. Because it means I have you. I have you to love and to hold… To wipe away your tears”  
Nicky smiled.

“In a perfect world, there wouldn’t be any need for tears” Nicky told him.  
“Well, there’s no such thing as a perfect world” Shane replied.  
“But when I’m with you… It’s about as close to perfect as I can imagine”  
“Me too”

“So… Do you forgive me, for the way I’ve been acting?” Nicky asked.  
“Of course I do” Shane replied.

Nicky smiled and lay down on the bed. He pulled Shane down onto the mattress with him and curled up next to him. The younger boy wrapped his arm around Nicky’s shoulder and held him close.

“I’ll have to go soon” Shane told him.  
“Not yet” Nicky pleaded.  
“Gillian will be mad if I’m late”  
“Then… Just make sure you say sorry. Remember, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness then to ask permission”  
“Hmmm… Which do you think she’d rather hear ‘Gillian, will you forgive me for fucking Nicky?’ or ‘Gillian, may I go next door and fuck Nicky?’”

“Ooh, such profanities… You kiss your mother with that mouth?”  
“I kiss you with this mouth” Shane smirked. “In places that could make someone blush”  
“I remember you blushing more than once yourself”  
“If you don’t behave, I’ll never kiss you there again”

Nicky pouted at the brunette and averted his gaze. Shane leaned down and kissed Nicky’s forehead.

“I have to go now” Shane whispered.  
“Kiss me” Nicky pleaded.  
“I just did”  
“No… There”  
“But-“  
“Please?”

Shane smiled to himself. His Nicky was back and no longer in his bad mood. But Shane knew if he didn’t leave soon then Gillian would be the one in the bad mood. Seeing no other way out of the room, he proceeded to do what Nicky asked of him…  
After all, he had forgiven Nicky and he would apologise to Gillian for being late. He always did.

 

I can't keep fighting this battle with you  
I can't hear words when scream like you do  
If I cry will you hold me just like we rehearsed?  
So do I  
So do I say sorry first?

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the 'Stephanie McIntosh' album challenge wherein I attempted to write a fic for every song on her album
> 
> Track # 1 - So Do I Say Sorry First
> 
>  
> 
> Original publication date (on my now defunct 'All Things Shnicky' site): 15th March 2007


End file.
